Starlight Moondance: What I learned ...

Well, here it is. Three days to go until the New Year. A stack of late Christmas cards on my table. Patiently and knowingly (always late) waiting to be filled and mailed... Me, sitting in the kitchen being distracted by nightfall, snow and the blue lights outside ... reflecting (instead of getting to said cards) ... What a year it has been dear readers. Really. If I had to describe it in one word, that word would be scary. It is not a fancy word, but it is a word filled with truth.

Cards ...they so know they are going to be late ...

Distractions ...

This year has been a year filled with change and growth for me dear readers. Mostly in heart and spirit. Mostly because I had no choice. I've had to face many challenges and many fears. To look at life, people, relationships and myself in a light that I had never known before. And I had all the time in the world, in which to do it. My sabbatical is nothing like I thought it would be. I guess I kind of had an inkling of an idea that giving myself so much time on my hands after not having any for ..oh ..I don't know ..ever ..would have some kind of reflective, existential consequences but boy was I not prepared for the sheer physical and mental mind-bend of it all.

I'm going to share what I learned...it's personal, a little all over the place if you don't mind, and another scary thing to add to the proverbial list ...

This year dear readers, I learned to slow down. To take better care of my body because it is the only one I have and it feels really really good when I do. That I need to move. To sweat. To have screaming, kid like, heart pounding fun. I learned that I am very uncomfortable (like panic inducing uncomfortable) not having control and structure in work. I learned why. And to let that go a little more every day. I learned to be vulnerable. I learned to accept some of the not so pleasant parts of myself (yes, I have some :) because they are part of who I am. To soften up a little. To judge less. To be there for myself. I learned that I need to pay more attention to nature and light and cycles because they are a part of me and influence my well being tremendously. That I love rituals and marking the changes of time. I learned to talk about myself and that I would not burst into flames or die of shame if I did. That I cannot help sometimes no matter how hard I try. I learned that I cannot fix everything and that's okay. That I don't always have to be nice. That it is okay to be tired.

I learned to be okay with being scared, uncertain, in limbo and without a clear path for the moment, and to move forward anyway. I learned that everything I think I know (even the sealed in stone huge stuff) can change at any moment. And, that the human capacity for transformation and growth is a marvel.

Now, on to my dried flowers and other such things. I know I know, a little abrupt, but hey, a girl can only take so much heart on sleeve very public soul bearing. So, what I also wanted to share with you are some little things that put a smile on my face and remind me that things will be warm, bright and green again soon.

Time to dish ...in photos ...