People will bow down ...

To get straight to the point, I am not a baker.

So. Not. A. Baker.

Proof: **I literally freaked out when shopping for this recipe and standing in the butter area I literally had to look five times at my phone because I was completely incredulous (I actually gasped) that these two, teeny, tiny cookie recipes could use that much butter. And the worst part was, as I left it hit me, I needed more butter, I had to double the recipes. It was nuts. And don't even get me started on the glucose and corn syrup ...Oh, and then when I realized I had to wait ... for the butter..room temperature butter...**.

Butter people ...so much butter ...

Back to story: I must say that I have always wanted to be a baker, to bake that is, but frankly, it scares me. The sheer preciseness of it all scares me. I naturally lean toward sublime chaos in the kitchen. The kind where you let your inspiration take you wherever it wants to that day. No holds barred. Aprons be donned it's going to get messy! You get the point. I am afraid of a whole cooking world that is so measured. So precise. So linear. So full of calories. Over the years, in attempts to gently nudge myself in the baking direction, I have bought baking related items, been given them as gifts and one by one, their fate awaited them. They were to live a lonely life under the kitchen sink (which I do not have at the moment). After some time went by, as it does, I would inevitably, and guiltily, pry open the door, look at them abandoned under the sink (I mostly, and guiltily, avoided their stares each time I opened the cupboards) and feel bad. For an object. I realize. Said bad feeling caused me to then head immediately for nearest charity to give sad unused baking items away... only to need them exactly one day after I had given them away because that was the day I needed to bake! Naturally.

This time though dear readers, it's really happening. I really need to bake (there's my friend's bazaar you see...) and I just gave away my kitchen aid super baking bowlmixercontraption thingie about two weeks ago and now I need it. I need it because I am baking some scary chocolate cookies and then some really scary chantrelle cookies. But I don't have it so my bare hands it is. And, I am doing it at the perfect time for someone with no baking tools and a baking phobia. The time during which I have no sink, no running water, a half finished countertop and no dishwasher (due to no running water). Because in my world, dear readers, when one is renovating a kitchen and has no sink, no running water, a half finished countertop and no dishwasher (due to no running water), it's time to bake 6 dozen cookies!

Anyhow, I could not make the scary chocolate cookies yet because it was just too much to bake both in said kitchenless kitchen (especially because it's a crazy recipe from Christina and requires advanced techniques perfect for the novice baker such as myself ...yes ...) so I made the ridiculous Chantrelle mushroom cookies I had a recipe for from an artisinal mushroom drier I met at this launch. And to make a flour filled, buttered out, nail-biting long story short, they are awesome. The bomb. I don't want you to be afraid of them because you will miss out on their awesomeness. Make them and people will bow down to your awesome cookie. Okay, too much sugar.

Time to dish.

The Bomb Chantrelle Butter Cookies

Here is what you need:

• 2 and a half cups of flour
• 1/2 a cup of gorgeous ground dried Chantrelles (grind in your spice or coffee grinder) they smell like heaven...I'm just saying ...
• 1 and a quarter cups of butter room temperature, nerve wracking wait ...I'm just saying ...
• 2/3rds of a cup of granulated sugar
• 1/2 a tablespoon of beautiful vanilla extract

Here is what to do:

1. Sift your flour, grind your mushrooms, then combine.
2. Wait for the butter to come to room temperature ...wait ...wait ...
3. Then mix together with the sugar and vanilla extract until a smooth yummy paste. Once you've done that and your arms hurt, mix in the dry mixture and combine until you have a super cool cookie dough. Then form into balls, squash a little and bake in a pre-heated 350 degree oven for 12 minutes. Put a timer on. I learned. Then try not to eat ten of them at the same time. I learned.